How to Handle Halloween Visitation

The month of October marks the unofficial beginning of the holiday season. Halloween is the first of these holidays and is one that might easily be overlooked in a custody or visitation schedule because of its relative importance in contrast to Thanksgiving or Christmas. Many parents and children, however, view Halloween as an important holiday.  If you are a newly divorced parent, the next 120 days are going to test your patience and communication skills with your ex-spouse. Halloween is an opportunity for a parent who is recently divorced or going through the divorce process to work to improve his or her relationship with both the other parent and their children.

Communication Is Key

With children under the age of 12, elementary schools generally have a lot of planned Halloween activities during and after school that your child will be attending. If you are in a joint custody schedule it is important to communicate with the other parent with regards to any upcoming school functions and emails that you receive from the teacher. There is nothing more embarrassing for your child than when he or she goes to class empty-handed, especially when the classroom has a planned activity. Send an email, voice mail or have face-to-face communication to let each other know how important it is not to let your child feel different about having two households. Often your child’s backpack is not checked for fliers from school. Keep an eye on what your child brings home starting with this holiday.

Costume Picking

Most schools have dress codes that are enforced on Halloween and some have even banned dressing up all together on Halloween. Many schools have nixed the traditional costume march because of the nature of some of the costumes: some are too violent or too provocative. As a co-parent, both parents need to unite and be good examples of what is acceptable. One parent allowing his or her child to wear an inappropriate costume will only cause more friction between spouses and can set a bad parenting example with lasting effects.

Splitting Time Trick or Treating

Most divorce decrees do not address the custody schedule on Halloween, so it is up to the parents to decide what is best. Always keep the child’s best interests in mind rather than your own. Make agreements with your ex-spouse prior to Halloween to avoid conflict closer to the actual day of Halloween and be sensitive to your child’s wishes with regard to the holiday. If your child wants to trick or treat with neighbors and familiar faces, by all means make that a priority. If your ex-spouse is residing in that neighborhood, make it a point to stay classy and offer the opportunity to walk with your child together or separately. Your child will thank you in the long run (kids remember everything). If you are sharing the experience together, don’t bring a boyfriend or girlfriend, and don’t talk about money or other disagreements.

182 Days

Look at that number above and think about it for a moment. 182 days is all the time you get to spend with your child under an equal custody and visitation schedule in a calendar year. That means you only get to see so many birthdays and holidays together with your child. You need to take advantage of this time and make your memories count. The best way to stretch a few more precious days on your joint custody calendar is to create a positive and amicable relationship with your ex-spouse. A great co-parenting relationship will make this holiday season better for everyone.

If you have questions about child custody issues, contact The Law Office of Matthew J. Rudy for a free 1 hour consultation today.

Grandparents’ Rights

During divorce custody disputes can occasionally become multi-generational with grandparents seeking visitation with, or even custody rights over, their grandchildren. In general, the Court’s preference to award custody to one or both parents is set forth in California Family Code § 3040(a)(1). However, the Court may award custody of a child or children to a non-parent in the event that the Court deems it inappropriate to award custody to either parent. This non-parent can be a grandparent, other relative, or even just a family friend. Family Code §§ 3101, 3103 and 3104 set forth the requirements for grandparent visitation in California.
Visitation

In California, there are several requirements that must be met in order for a grandparent to ask for reasonable visitation with a grandchild. First, there must be a “pre-existing relationship” between the grandparent and the grandchildren. “This means that the grandparent must have been involved one way or another in the child’s life on a regular basis usually within 6 months of bringing the complaint for visitation.” A child that lives with the grandparent for a portion of time would also fit under this category. In granting or denying grandparent visitation the Court must balance the interest of the child or children in having visitation with the grandparent against the right of the parents to exercise their parental authority.

Grandparents generally cannot file for visitation while the grandchild’s parents are married. However, there are exceptions to this rule: married parents living separately, a parent’s unknown whereabouts, one of the parents joins in favor of the petition for grandparent visitation, the child does not live with either of the parents, or the child has been adopted by a stepparent (Wikipedia).

Custody

In certain cases, when the parents are unable to care for a child, a grandparent, other relative or established caregiver for the child may file a guardianship action which would grant custodial rights over the child. If either of the parents objects, the grandparent must prove that the child in the parent’s custody would be harmful to the child. Arguments must be very clear and decisive for the grandparents as California law generally favors parental custody. The longer that the child has lived with the grandparent the better the chances are. Finally, it is always helpful in these types of situations to have the approval of at least one of the parents otherwise it can be an uphill battle (Courts.ca.gov).

There are strong presumptions in favor of parental rights; however, grandparents can receive visitation or custodial rights in certain circumstances. To determine if your case meets these requirements, please contact The Law Office of Matthew J. Rudy for a free one hour Consultation.